Dear Senator McCain,
During this fall's presidential campaign against Barack Obama, should you find yourself needing to replace your running mate, currently Sarah Palin, let me offer you a suggestion: my dog, Ixi. Absurd, you say? Let's compare their qualifications.
Both are women. This seems to be your primary motivation for choosing Palin, and Ixi is likely to appeal to Clinton supporters as much as the governor of ... ahem ... Alaska.
Your other primary qualification in this pick is that Palin is a Washington outsider from a remote state. Ixi has never been to Washington, and I would definitely consider Oklahoma a remote state. Maybe not as remote as ... ahem ... Alaska, but you know.
Ixi has as much experience in foreign policy and international relations as Palin. That is to say, none.
Palin has been the governor of ... ahem ... Alaska for less than two years. Ixi is more than two years old.
Palin has five children and has never considered aborting any of them, even the one with Down syndrome. Ixi has had several litters of puppies, and never considered aborting any of them. So she's likely had even more abortion-free babies than Palin, making her appeal to the conservative base of your party even more.
Palin is a former beauty pageant runner-up. Ixi is a very cute dog.
True, you may say that no one has ever heard of Ixi, but until yesterday, that was true of Palin too. Well, I guess the seven people who live in Alaska have heard of her, but Ixi has almost that many friends. So if you change your mind and realize that there were more more-qualified candidates that you passed over than there are people who know who Sarah Palin is, please have your people contact Ixi's people so we can get the vetting (ha! a pun!) process started.
Sincerely,
Joshua Cross
30 August 2008
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6 comments:
If you don't send this to Mr. McCain for real real, I'll be sad.
Hilarious. Simply brilliant. You should send it!
there was a fox reporter that said she had foreign policy experience cause alaska is next to Russia!
I don't think there are living creatures in that part of Russia. A better Fox lie would be North Korea.
I wonder what Mulder feels about have such a conservative news station usurping his name. No wonder he doesn't like it being used.
Also, ncmgqjpn is a ridiculous combination of letters!
But does your dog like guns???
Palin likes guns...a lot!
Damn. The NRA alliance does give her a leg up (ha! another pun!) on Ixi. But for all I know Ixi may have a pregnant daughter somewhere, so that's a plus.
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