Dear Senator McCain,
During this fall's presidential campaign against Barack Obama, should you find yourself needing to replace your running mate, currently Sarah Palin, let me offer you a suggestion: my dog, Ixi. Absurd, you say? Let's compare their qualifications.
Both are women. This seems to be your primary motivation for choosing Palin, and Ixi is likely to appeal to Clinton supporters as much as the governor of ... ahem ... Alaska.
Your other primary qualification in this pick is that Palin is a Washington outsider from a remote state. Ixi has never been to Washington, and I would definitely consider Oklahoma a remote state. Maybe not as remote as ... ahem ... Alaska, but you know.
Ixi has as much experience in foreign policy and international relations as Palin. That is to say, none.
Palin has been the governor of ... ahem ... Alaska for less than two years. Ixi is more than two years old.
Palin has five children and has never considered aborting any of them, even the one with Down syndrome. Ixi has had several litters of puppies, and never considered aborting any of them. So she's likely had even more abortion-free babies than Palin, making her appeal to the conservative base of your party even more.
Palin is a former beauty pageant runner-up. Ixi is a very cute dog.
True, you may say that no one has ever heard of Ixi, but until yesterday, that was true of Palin too. Well, I guess the seven people who live in Alaska have heard of her, but Ixi has almost that many friends. So if you change your mind and realize that there were more more-qualified candidates that you passed over than there are people who know who Sarah Palin is, please have your people contact Ixi's people so we can get the vetting (ha! a pun!) process started.
Sincerely,
Joshua Cross
30 August 2008
25 August 2008
I'm a proud parent
Yeah, so ... we got a dog. Which you know if you've been reading Erika's blog because she's much better than I am about updating it frequently. (But she also has a little more free time on her hands. And by a little, I mean a lot.)
Ixi Grace, our new miniature schnauzer, is quite a character. She was very odd the first few days, but she's beginning to come out of her shell. The first day we had her (Saturday) she would not go outside. She's gotten much better now though, and runs out the door as soon as you open it. When I let her out of her crate at 6:45 this morning, she ran immediately to the door to go out.
The first day she was also really terrible on the leash and would thrash about if you put any tension on it at all. Since then she's gotten much better, and is actually walkable.
She still hates the stairs though. She freezes and occasionally trembles as you try to get her to go up or down the stairs, and unfortunately we live on the second floor. With a lot of patience, a lot of coaxing and rewarding, and a lot of time, she will now go up and down. She's not happy about it though.
Erika mentioned her strange eating habit of grabbing a few bites of food and walking into the next room to eat them. Last night I mixed a pouch of wet food with her dry food, and she hasn't done it since. Erika also mentioned that she completely ignores her toys, and she still does for the most part. But this morning after I walked her, she attacked her stuffed hedgehog and thrashed him about a few times. Erika says she also played with her ball this afternoon, but I missed it.
She's a sweet dog and docile. She has developed a real attachment to Erika and follows her from room to room throughout the apartment. When she sees Erika coming, she gets excited and as animated as we've seen her yet.
Tomorrow morning she goes to the vet, so we'll see how she does. She's such a well behaved girl that I'm not anticipating real problems, but she is terrified of almost anything new, so we'll see which competing side of her wins.
Oh yeah, and grad school is fun so far. More on that some other time. I've got a bit of a cold, and I need to take Ixi out again and put us both to bed.
Ixi Grace, our new miniature schnauzer, is quite a character. She was very odd the first few days, but she's beginning to come out of her shell. The first day we had her (Saturday) she would not go outside. She's gotten much better now though, and runs out the door as soon as you open it. When I let her out of her crate at 6:45 this morning, she ran immediately to the door to go out.
The first day she was also really terrible on the leash and would thrash about if you put any tension on it at all. Since then she's gotten much better, and is actually walkable.
She still hates the stairs though. She freezes and occasionally trembles as you try to get her to go up or down the stairs, and unfortunately we live on the second floor. With a lot of patience, a lot of coaxing and rewarding, and a lot of time, she will now go up and down. She's not happy about it though.
Erika mentioned her strange eating habit of grabbing a few bites of food and walking into the next room to eat them. Last night I mixed a pouch of wet food with her dry food, and she hasn't done it since. Erika also mentioned that she completely ignores her toys, and she still does for the most part. But this morning after I walked her, she attacked her stuffed hedgehog and thrashed him about a few times. Erika says she also played with her ball this afternoon, but I missed it.
She's a sweet dog and docile. She has developed a real attachment to Erika and follows her from room to room throughout the apartment. When she sees Erika coming, she gets excited and as animated as we've seen her yet.
Tomorrow morning she goes to the vet, so we'll see how she does. She's such a well behaved girl that I'm not anticipating real problems, but she is terrified of almost anything new, so we'll see which competing side of her wins.
Oh yeah, and grad school is fun so far. More on that some other time. I've got a bit of a cold, and I need to take Ixi out again and put us both to bed.
16 August 2008
Four-legged fuzzy lovin'
Meet my soon to be new dog:
Today Erika and I drove about an hour to Bristow, OK to visit a dog rescue that has recently received seven miniature schnauzers, the breed we were looking for. The breeder who had these sweet dogs willingly gave them up after finally realizing she could not keep them. If you're not aware, breeders usually severely mistreat their dogs, all except the adorable little puppies that they can sell for $1000 or more. These particular dogs had been kept outside in kennels and when they were finally given over to the rescue, they were covered in ticks and all of their fur was matted. Because ultimately it doesn't matter what state the parents are in; as long as they can have sex and plop out puppies, they're good to go.
We looked at a few of the schnauzers they had, and we chose this girl because she seemed the most docile and sweet and she was also the softest and prettiest, though they were all pretty. She's very timid and doesn't warm up to new people very well. But she also doesn't pee on everyone or bark much or run laps around the room. All of these are good things for apartment dwellers.
Speaking of getting peed on: the first dog we looked at, a male named Skeeter, was fine when I was playing with him. But then he cocked his leg up and marked Erika as his territory. They always say pets choose their owners, rather than the reverse, but if this was his strategy for claiming and marking an owner, it failed, because Erika immediately looked at the woman and said, "I think we'll take a female."
So now we're waiting for her (the dog, not Erika) to be taken to the vet to get tested and spayed, and then I'll go pick her up later in the week and we'll be pet owners. I'm so excited because I've wanted a dog for so long.
Now we need to think of what to call her. The breeder named her Sarah Grace, but since had a rebound fling with a Grace after breaking up with a Sarah, that's not going to fly. Since she was essentially neglected, she doesn't seem to know her name anyway, so it shouldn't be hard to rename her. If you can think of any, send them our way. Especially if you can think of any good German names since she is, after all, a German breed.
And, as a public service announcement, if you're thinking about getting a pet in the future, please go through adoption agencies rather than breeders who charge ridiculous fees and don't always treat their dogs well. (Some breeders are good, but others obviously are not.) We found her on petfinder.com. There are so many pets out there needing a good home. Okay, enough sappy bleeding heartedness for the evening.
Today Erika and I drove about an hour to Bristow, OK to visit a dog rescue that has recently received seven miniature schnauzers, the breed we were looking for. The breeder who had these sweet dogs willingly gave them up after finally realizing she could not keep them. If you're not aware, breeders usually severely mistreat their dogs, all except the adorable little puppies that they can sell for $1000 or more. These particular dogs had been kept outside in kennels and when they were finally given over to the rescue, they were covered in ticks and all of their fur was matted. Because ultimately it doesn't matter what state the parents are in; as long as they can have sex and plop out puppies, they're good to go.
We looked at a few of the schnauzers they had, and we chose this girl because she seemed the most docile and sweet and she was also the softest and prettiest, though they were all pretty. She's very timid and doesn't warm up to new people very well. But she also doesn't pee on everyone or bark much or run laps around the room. All of these are good things for apartment dwellers.
Speaking of getting peed on: the first dog we looked at, a male named Skeeter, was fine when I was playing with him. But then he cocked his leg up and marked Erika as his territory. They always say pets choose their owners, rather than the reverse, but if this was his strategy for claiming and marking an owner, it failed, because Erika immediately looked at the woman and said, "I think we'll take a female."
So now we're waiting for her (the dog, not Erika) to be taken to the vet to get tested and spayed, and then I'll go pick her up later in the week and we'll be pet owners. I'm so excited because I've wanted a dog for so long.
Now we need to think of what to call her. The breeder named her Sarah Grace, but since had a rebound fling with a Grace after breaking up with a Sarah, that's not going to fly. Since she was essentially neglected, she doesn't seem to know her name anyway, so it shouldn't be hard to rename her. If you can think of any, send them our way. Especially if you can think of any good German names since she is, after all, a German breed.
And, as a public service announcement, if you're thinking about getting a pet in the future, please go through adoption agencies rather than breeders who charge ridiculous fees and don't always treat their dogs well. (Some breeders are good, but others obviously are not.) We found her on petfinder.com. There are so many pets out there needing a good home. Okay, enough sappy bleeding heartedness for the evening.
13 August 2008
Where the wind goes sweeping down the plain
Greetings from the Sooner-rather-than-later State. Sorry I've been dropping the ball on this whole updating thing, but it's been a pretty busy week and a half. It's been good though. Stillwater is great, and I've already made a nice circle of friends in my program.
But I've also found the thing that I most actively dislike about Oklahoma: beer. And if you know me, you know I'm a big fan of beer. Oklahoma is one of six states in the nation (the other five including many of our neighboring states) that only allow so-called low point beer sales. Basically, the only beer allowed to be sold cold, whether in bars, restaurants, or stores, can be no higher than 3.2% alcohol. The only beer with a higher percentage must be sold at room temperature in a liquor store. Also, wine can only be sold in liquor stores.
While 3.2% isn't much lower than most domestic beers, and many lawmakers claim there's little difference, trust me when I tell you there is. Instead of the deliciousness that is beer, you get vaguely beer-flavored water. And in order to get the intended effect, you have to drink more, meaning more empty calories and carbs, meaning that you get a lot of fatter drunks. The low point laws also limit the types of beer to be sold in the state, since only those companies willing to make special low point beer can be sold. So my choices are usually of the Bud, Coors, or Miller variety. And forget about imports or craft-brews.
I also haven't had much luck with buying beers themselves. Last Thursday, I bought a six-pack of a Missouri wheat beer called Boulevard, which is actually pretty good. The six-packs come in closed boxes like twelve-packs, so I didn't know anything was awry until I pulled out an almost empty bottle the next day. The bottle was completely sealed, but there was only about a finger of beer at the bottom of the bottle.
Then Sunday I bought a twelve-pack of MGD in bottles. Everything seemed normal until the next day when I got toward one of the back rows and discovered that one of the bottles was shattered. I'm almost positive we didn't break it since neither the box nor the fridge showed any evidence of spilled beer. I'm pretty sure it came that way.
So here is my request to you: come visit, and bring beer with you.
But I've also found the thing that I most actively dislike about Oklahoma: beer. And if you know me, you know I'm a big fan of beer. Oklahoma is one of six states in the nation (the other five including many of our neighboring states) that only allow so-called low point beer sales. Basically, the only beer allowed to be sold cold, whether in bars, restaurants, or stores, can be no higher than 3.2% alcohol. The only beer with a higher percentage must be sold at room temperature in a liquor store. Also, wine can only be sold in liquor stores.
While 3.2% isn't much lower than most domestic beers, and many lawmakers claim there's little difference, trust me when I tell you there is. Instead of the deliciousness that is beer, you get vaguely beer-flavored water. And in order to get the intended effect, you have to drink more, meaning more empty calories and carbs, meaning that you get a lot of fatter drunks. The low point laws also limit the types of beer to be sold in the state, since only those companies willing to make special low point beer can be sold. So my choices are usually of the Bud, Coors, or Miller variety. And forget about imports or craft-brews.
I also haven't had much luck with buying beers themselves. Last Thursday, I bought a six-pack of a Missouri wheat beer called Boulevard, which is actually pretty good. The six-packs come in closed boxes like twelve-packs, so I didn't know anything was awry until I pulled out an almost empty bottle the next day. The bottle was completely sealed, but there was only about a finger of beer at the bottom of the bottle.
Then Sunday I bought a twelve-pack of MGD in bottles. Everything seemed normal until the next day when I got toward one of the back rows and discovered that one of the bottles was shattered. I'm almost positive we didn't break it since neither the box nor the fridge showed any evidence of spilled beer. I'm pretty sure it came that way.
So here is my request to you: come visit, and bring beer with you.
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